swim. love. travel.

my life daily

oops, I did it again!

Do you know what it feels like?

To be an accident?

I was never supposed to happen. I just did. I just happened. To my mother’s dismay, of course. It definitely explains a lot. Why they never seemed to care for me. I just thought that’s how they operated as parents. They let me do whatever I wanted. Many kids would love parents like that. That’s why I did so much.

But something just never seemed quite right. A piece of the jigsaw puzzle was missing. Something seemed off.

I never realized this inbalance until a seemingly normal and mundane dinner took place last night. My mother told me.

“You need to think about your future, buddy.”

“I do mom.”

“You need to think about how you’re going to pay for medical school. I sure as hell am not paying for it. Once you hit 18, I’m disowning you. Don’t expect any money from me. I did my job. I raised you this far.”

“I know mom. That’s what you always tell me.”

“I’m serious. How are you going to pay for medical school? Are you sure you want to be a doctor? What if you can’t even get into med school? What are you going to do then? You need to settle down one day. Have kids and marry someone nice.”

“I don’t think I really want kids.”

“Good! Don’t have kids. You’re just wasting your life away if you want to have kids.”

“Well, I just don’t want to have kids now but maybe that will change in the future.”

“No. Don’t have kids. I’m telling you. It’s not worth it. I didn’t want to have kids when I was your age for the longest time.”

“Then what made you want to have me?”

“I didn’t.”

“What?”

“You were an accident. So was your brother 6 years ago.”

“What?”

“Well your father says you weren’t an accident. But I never planned on having you.”

It was at this point when my father chose to leave.

“Now your father’s all mad. He didn’t want me telling you.”

“God mom! If you didn’t want my brother and I – maybe you should’ve taken more precautions! Use birth control, use condoms, use spermicide! There are so many contraceptions there!”

I stormed off. I couldn’t believe it. I spent the next few hours crying in my bathroom with the air ventilation on and with the water running so that my parents wouldn’t suspect anything. I’ve never felt so unwanted in my life. Way to top off a horrible week. I had just failed my biology test and chemistry test that week. My teachers all hated me.

The worst part was that my parents didn’t even come in to check out if I was okay. They went off to send my brother to his karate school. It’s just that…my mother said it with such a calm demeanour. As if it was the most normal thing in the world. “Yeah…you know…you’re just an accident.” Could my life be any more worse? Yeah, I guess it could.

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